Life is absurd. And life is precious. Family is a lot of both.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Ode to the Pedicure



It must be soothing, I think,
As I admire the pink
On all my friend's spring-perfect toes.

To soak my sore feet
while in a big, comfy seat
At the nail place where everyone goes.

I'm so tempted by bubbles
To ignore all the troubles
That begin at the balls of my feet.

My heels are just swell.
The bottoms as well.
But my toes to the world I can't mete.

They're squashy and bumpy
And mismatched and lumpy.
And, worse, each has a miniscule nail.

No soaking nor sloughing
Nor rubbing nor buffing
Can remedy my sad travail.

Was ballet to blame?
Other girls did the same
Without ruining their piggies for good.

The miles and miles run?
Others have been there and done
And their toenails still look like they should.

No flip flops for me.
In ballet flats I'll be.
My toes stay in hiding year round.

So jealous I'm green
Of the toes I have seen.
How I wish for tootsies unbound.

It is not inherited--
My need to stay inhibited--
For my family all have perfect toes.

It is simply my curse?
I suppose it could be worse.
For it's impossible to cover a nose!


My friend's perfect pedicure--just one who makes me jealous.

25 comments :

  1. I bet it's not as bad as you think! I hate my feet too, but sometimes it's just too hot for closed toes! I actually came across your blog digging around for a camping contest/event in your area with National Wildlife Federation (also a stress reliever:)). Couldn't find your email. If you are interested, would you reach out to me? Thanks! legendrel@nwf.org - Lindsay

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  2. I'm a ballet-flat-wearer too. Although if I'm going to be doing any summer walking I need to break out the comfy birkenstocks and deal with the shame of ugly toes!

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    1. Birkenstock comfort is definitely worth baring the toes!

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  3. Hahahhah very cute. Hey, wear what you want. People rarely notice other people's feet (i hope)

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    1. I'm kind of a toe stalker. Can't believe I just admitted that!

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  4. With friends who have feet like that who needs open-toed sandals? (-:

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  5. I'm not a mani/pedi fan. But love your feet anyways ;)

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    1. Yes, I love them. I just don't show them. It's better for everyone. :)

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  6. So clever! Ever consider socks with sandals? ;) Ellen

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    1. My kids seem to have a problem with that. Wasn't there a trend on the runways a couple of years ago? Sadly it didn't last.

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  7. So cute! I hate feet in general. It's a thing for me, I don't know... But I wear sandals anyway. Whatever, they're comfy! Go for it!

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    1. I think I might. Except now I'll be paranoid that people who read my blog will notice!

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  8. I hate my feet but I adore my sandals. It's a quandry. Great post!

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    1. Thanks! Yes, I like sandals too. I should quit writing and invent sandals that cover the toes but show off my awesome arch. :)

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  9. I don't think i'm girly enough to like pedicures. Plus I seem to carry around some weird guilt complex that allows me to spend money on myself only sparingly. I should probably get over that and take a day for myself. But I think i'll opt for a massage, I'm too ticklish for a pedicure.

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  10. I wish I could have someone give me a pedicure. I can't stand other people handling the bottom of my feet. It's the same way at the doctor's office, when they do that Babinski test on you. I practically jumped when they ran that thing up the sole of my bare foot. The doctor wasn't amused.

    But, I've found ways to give myself pedicures. It's not quite the same as having someone else do all that for you, but it's the best I can manage.

    Your ode was cute. :)

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  11. I can't relate, but my wife is a different person after a pedicure.

    WG
    http://itsmynd.com

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  12. Ugh. I have the ugliest feet in the world, no lie. I can't bear to bare them for a pedicure. And yet, I'm barefooted all summer...which is probably why my feet look so rough and worn.

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  13. And here I thought you were sharing your feet with us. I bet they're not as bad as you think. I love a pedi!!

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  14. I have prosthetic feet, if that makes you feel better.:) And the toes are all stuck together and the feet are covered in old lady panty-hose. Booo. My dream is to have somebody make me some pretty, real-looking feet. I wear flats, too. I miss sandals and flip-flops. But, thank God, there are so many cute shoes out there!
    Flaunt your feet, I say! :)

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    1. Oh my goodness, Heidi! I was thinking as I wrote this, "Well, at least you have feet to complain about." Seriously! My best childhood friend had very deformed feet and I think of her too every time I dwell on my ugly toes. Thank you for your comment and here's wishing you a closet full of the most adorable flats ever!!

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  15. Ohmigosh, a good pedicure is nearly as awesome as an orgasm. I kid you not. LOVE pedicures! Loved your poem too.

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  16. Got to agree with Jennifer! Ahhh, pedicures!

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  17. I HATE feet. Seriously, they are repulsive. I hate my own too. However, pedicures are awesome and I decided that I can't have the worst feet ever, so now I go. Plus I have to take my shoes off for acupuncture every week, so I consider it a kindness to the acupuncturist! Go for it, it really is relaxing! Fun post!

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