Life is absurd. And life is precious. Family is a lot of both.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Mommy's Little Helper

Please don't judge me. I'm feeling so desperate today that things like coffee and chocolate are just not cutting it anymore. I really need the good stuff. It's been too long.

I just want a little. I know I can't overdo it or things will completely fall apart around here. I realize I have responsibilities and that it's not all about me. I get that. But could it just be about me for a couple of hours at night after everyone else is in bed? If I can't see straight or quiet my shaking hands, am I really any good to anyone? So wouldn't just a little hit, I mean bit, be okay?

Honestly it is for the good of my family. My children! They need me to be calm. And I really cannot be calm without some. I know this for a fact. I've gone without it for great stretches at a time and I do not function well. Maybe others don't need help to function, but I do. I really do. I neeeeed it! Just a little.

You people without lots of children just don't fully understand. You might have given it up for a little while, but you don't really remember how sad and lonely it feels to go cold turkey. Night after night after night of wanting something--anything!--but getting nothing is brutal. For you it's a just a distant bad memory.

You people with no children will never get it at all. Frankly, I'm having a hard time liking you right now. I'm sorry! It's the withdrawal talking. I don't really hate you. I'm just sort of jealous right now. You know why? Because you have access to the "little helper" all the time. You don't even realize how great it is. It's not fair. If you are childless you don't need much. I need as much as I can get. But I'll settle for just a little. You could share, you know. You have more than you need. I can tell by your bright eyes and fresh skin and ready smile. You are making me sick.

Or maybe it's not just you. Maybe it's because I need my "helper" for medicinal purposes. I'm certain it's the only thing that helps. I'm feeling stressed and shaky and fuzzy-headed. I just need a little to clear my thoughts. And to soothe my aching muscles. I have this headache that won't go away. I just need a little, I swear. If I could just get a little, I'd be absolutely fine.

Seriously...does anyone know where I can get some sleep? I'm willing to pay.

1 comment :

  1. I could have written something with the same sentiment...if I wasn't so tired!