Life is absurd. And life is precious. Family is a lot of both.

Saturday, February 15, 2014

Summer Work Hours

5:30 a.m.: Nudge the husband who missed his 5:00 a.m. alarm and remind him he wanted to get to work early today. Make coffee and pull out leftovers for lunch. Kiss him good-bye and sit down with first cup of coffee.

6:35 a.m.: Hear kid's alarm blaring for 10 minutes and finally go down to his room, turn off the alarm and lecture him (if that's him beneath the pile of pillows) about responsibility and eating a good breakfast before football practice. Head back up for a second cup of coffee. Find car keys in a hurry when he's running late and tells you he forgot to get a ride.

7:03 a.m.: Pour out the now-cold coffee and fix another cup. Sit down to check email. Hop up when the toddler starts yelling, "Mommeeeeee!" Change his wet pants. Toast the frozen waffles and find an episode of Imagination Movers quickly in order to get back to the still-barely-warm coffee.

8:30 a.m.: In come the grade-schoolers yawning after being up way too late last night. Offer cereal when they discover little brother ate the last of the frozen waffles.

10:00 a.m.: Finally take a shower.

11:30 a.m.: Look around and realize there are now seven kids in the house and they are all getting  hungry. Pop Cheese Pizzas #72-73 of the Summer into the oven and crack open Juice Box Case #103 of the Summer to feed them all.

1:00 p.m.: Realize the garden hose has been on full blast for the last 77 minutes. Muddy kids came inside 48 minutes ago.

2:00 p.m.: Discover the toddler is still napping. Debate whether to deal with him being up until 10 tonight or being cranky right now for having his nap interrupted. Decide upon the former and sit down with a new magazine.

2:03 p.m.: Growl at the muddy kids who shrieked by the toddler's bedroom door and awakened him. Deal with his crankiness until the next episode of Doc McStuffins comes on.

3:10 p.m.: Panic when the hamburger that was supposed to be defrosting in the fridge overnight is found still rock hard in the freezer. Locate a teenager to run to the store and buy two packages of hot dogs and hope there is a box of macaroni and cheese shoved in the pantry somewhere.

4:30 p.m:. Do the happy dance when kids are invited to swim with the family next door. Spend 30 minutes locating swimsuits, flip flops, and goggles that still have their lenses.

5:00 p.m.: Clean the kitchen to get ready for dinnertime..

5:15 p.m.: Lose it a little bit when the swimmers (who got bored/had a fight/want to watch TV) stream in the front door and drop wet everything in the hall.

5:30 p.m.: Whip up grilled hot dogs and macaroni.

5:35 p.m.: Stifle frustration when the kids tell you they're not hungry. They ate pizza at the pool.

6:30 p.m.: Locate the toddler by following the trail of sand from the backyard to the basement.

6:40 p.m.: Plop the grainy toddler into the tub and sweep up the sand.

6;50 p.m.:  Locate the toddler by following the trail of slippery bubbles.

7:00 p.m.: Wrestle the toddler into pajamas. Collapse in the rocking chair and grab a story book.

7:01 p.m.: Hear shrieking from the bathroom that the user needs toilet paper. Wonder for the 8,243rd time why no one checks before they go.

7:15 p.m.: Daddy's home! Give up on the toddler's bedtime.

7:30 p.m.: Stand like an ATM handing out cash as the teenagers peel away for their evening plans with friends.

8:15 p.m.: High five the daddy for finally getting the wired toddler to go to bed.

8:45 p.m.: Locate the grade schoolers playing down the street and reassure them that they really do have to come inside as it's getting dark.

9:17 p.m.: Find the bathroom a muddy, sandy, bubbly mess after baths are done.

9:45 p.m.: Agree to 15 more minutes.

10:15 p.m.: Realize it's been 30 more minutes.

10:30 p.m.: Crawl in bed and try to finish a chapter of a book.

10:45 p.m.: Kick the husband who cracks a smile and asks, "So what'd you do all day?"

11:01 p.m.: Growl at the kid who pokes you in the shoulder and proclaims, "Can we go to the movies tomorrow? It's so boring around here."

11:19 p.m.: Dream of winter and its routine, cozy evenings, and beautiful snow.

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